boundaries: no one should ever feel guilty about a door

 

Homes. 

Every home has a front door.
It’s the main point of entry.
It’s a means of protection.
It regulates access.

Unlike walls which are immovable, front doors offer us a choice. We can fling it wide open to our closest friends and family. We can crack it open with the chain to someone we are unsure of. Or we can leave it shut and locked up tight from a stranger or someone we don’t trust.

I’ve never felt guilty for having a front door on my home. Not once. I’ve never wrestled with myself for not opening the door to a stranger—or to an annoying salesman who won’t get the hint and just go away! I’ve never once felt pressured to speak a polite sentiment through the door as to why I won’t let them in.  The door basically speaks for itself. It’s a boundary.

The only people who have unrestricted use of my front door are the ones who live in my home. No one else even thinks to walk right in. They knock as a means to ask permission to enter. My home is a warm, intimate place for those who are welcome here. It’s a place for love and laughter, for pain and tears. It’s a safe place of retreat. It is home.

It’s rare, but if anyone is already in my home and begins to make me uncomfortable, I am going to have to ask them to leave. If anyone enters my home without my permission, it is a violation. And I will take measures to protect myself.

Home is where the heart is.

Hearts.

Every heart has a front door.
It’s the main point of entry.
It’s a means of protection.
It regulates access.

Having a door to our hearts offers us the choice of who we allow to enter. We can fling it wide open to our closest friends and family. We can crack it gently to someone we are just getting to know. Or we can lock it up tight from anyone who doesn’t belong there.

Much like my home, my heart is mine to protect. Why would I for one minute feel guilty to guard it? Why would I feel pressured to justify why I won’t let someone in? It’s my heart! And my heart has boundaries.

Those who belong here know it. They have open access because they have a home in my heart. Those who don’t know me as well, ask my permission. My heart is a place for love and laughter, for pain and tears. It’s a safe place of retreat. My heart is my home.

On the rare occasion someone begins to make me uncomfortable, I am going to have to ask them to leave. And I won’t feel compelled to explain myself or apologize. And should someone push or pressure their way in past my front door, then they are violating a space where they do not belong. And I will take measures to protect myself.

Seriously. Why is it so difficult to enforce boundaries?

It’s a door. No one should ever feel guilty about a door. |Click to Tweet|

  7Comments

    • andriabicknell   •     Author

      Thank you so much, Christa! I appreciate the read. 🙂

  1. Bryan   •  

    Andria, wonderful, important message for everyone. Boundaries exist for a reason and we all need to have them, on our hearts, our minds, our family – and for our home.

    Great post with a message we all should take to heart and respect and protect ourselves as we deserve.

    Bryan

    • andriabicknell   •     Author

      Yes. Well said. Thank you, Bryan!

  2. Pingback: Boundaries: It Takes Courage to Take Down Walls | typeAplansB

  3. Misty Gilbert   •  

    Boundaries are hard to set, especially with friends and family because I believe we put what they are going to think of us shutting the door, keeping the door closed, why we changed from having an open door to feeling a need to leave it shut, etc. In a nutshell, we are more concerned about them and the image they will have of us then about taking care of ourselves. I was taught such things were selfish and that I wasn’t looking out for them if I did these things instead of realizing that the first person God has called me to take care of is myself. Loved your thoughts!

    • andriabicknell   •     Author

      Very insightful, Misty. Yes, I think I’ve wrestled with the same feelings of guilt before. That’s why the analogy of the door made so much sense to me. It’s still something to navigate sensitively, but I found something that really put boundaries into perspective for me. Loved your comment! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *